


Crossroads

by carzla



Category: Vampire Knight
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode Related, Family, Gen, Love/Hate, Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-10
Updated: 2012-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-29 08:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carzla/pseuds/carzla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Based on Vampire Knight Guilty Episode 6] It was impossible. Right at this very moment, perhaps even forever, there was no way for him to walk a different path, to turn his life around and live differently. He could say that it didn’t matter, but deep down in his heart, he knew otherwise and that accusation – no matter how true it was – struck hard and deep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crossroads

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2008.

It had been a while since he, Kiryuu Ichiru, had felt like such a complete fool.

His purpose in Cross Academy was simple. He should’ve kept it firmly in mind and let no other force cause him to waver. But he did; he’d wavered in his resolve. He had taken Cross Kaien’s words into consideration when the Chairman of the Academy had invited him over for dinner earlier today.

_“A lot has happened, nevertheless, you and Zero-kun are twins. I feel that that the two of you should be able to choose a different way to live, don’t you think so?”_

His first, immediate thought was that it would be impossible for him and Zero to return to how their relationship was in the past. That was what the Chairman had been implying with his words. But somehow, he had found himself walking towards the Chairman’s home on the school grounds later that afternoon. All the while, he was wondering to himself if it was the right thing to do and whether he should just turn around and leave before it was too late. He didn’t get the chance to make a concrete decision as Cross had appeared out of nowhere and invited him in.

Soon after, he began to help Cross prepare dinner for the evening. He had found himself somewhat enjoying the relaxed atmosphere in the kitchen. Although he acted more cheerful and open in school, he never could feel relaxed there. Perhaps it was because he was in Zero’s class, and he knew that regardless of what he did – or did not do – Zero would always exude a certain wariness around him.

Ichiru did not have much hunter traits passed down to him, but he was constantly aware of Zero’s vampiric aura around him… and he could tell clearly that Zero was _always_ on the edge. Perhaps it was the inane carefree attitudes of the Day Class, all so oblivious to the danger they could be dragged into that made him dislike the atmosphere in the Academy. In Cross’ kitchen, he felt no such tense aura nor the nauseating carefree-ness… and the Chairman seemed genuine in wanting to have him around too.

So he had relaxed a bit and let himself feel more, although it didn’t really show on his features. He and Zero were quite a like in that sense now; they both wore masks. Cross had then started talking to him, casually commenting about Zero’s preferences, or lack thereof, in food and about how until now, he had no idea what Zero actually liked to eat.

_“Ichiru-kun, do you know?”_

Upon hearing the question, he was instantly greeted by an unbidden memory from his past. A past so distant, that it felt like a lifetime away even though in truth, it was at most only five years ago…

_“For you! You like it a lot, right?” a young Ichiru said, offering his bowl of vegetable soup to his elder twin._

_Zero looked somewhat surprised at his offer and protested, “Ichiru, but you like it too…” They always had rather similar tastes; both of them knew it._

_Ichiru smiled. Zero was always thinking of him, always being considerate towards him. He had to do something for Zero too, no matter how small the act was. “This is my way of thanking you! Because Zero is always so kind to me.”_

_When he saw Zero’s touched, undeniably happy smile, Ichiru knew at once that he had done the right thing and that Zero dearly appreciated it. Ichiru smiled back brightly, feeling his heart swell with the love he had for his kind elder twin._

Perhaps it was because of the memory of that beautiful, innocent smile on Zero’s face from long before. Perhaps he had been subconsciously thinking about Cross’ words earlier in the day. Perhaps he was just secretly hoping – _longing_ – to see Zero smile again… Regardless of what it really was, he had then replied, albeit slightly hesitantly, to Cross’ question.

_“Vegetable soup.”_

So somehow, he started to help Cross prepare the soup, remembering tiny bits of information that he had thought he’d long forgotten. Like just how much tomato to add such that it was exactly to Zero’s tastes. Little intimate details from a life so far-removed from present, yet he still remembered with startlingly clarity. He had even become vaguely excited at the prospect of seeing Zero’s reaction to the soup. Perhaps he really could choose a different way to live, despite what he had come to Cross Academy for.

Or so he had thought back then when he was still surrounded by his foolish thoughts. Zero had very nicely given him a figurative slap in the face, enlightening him that such a thing was nigh impossible. There was just too much distrust between them. It would take a miracle and then some for Zero to trust him again, that much he was sure.

Even so, Ichiru wished that it hadn’t hurt him the way it did. He thought he was past caring how Zero (or anyone) thought about him, but apparently he was wrong. He could blame it on the confusing emotions due to Cross’ words but honestly, he didn’t think that it could even pass as an excuse. If Zero ever found out what he had intended to do when he visited Cross Yuuki in the infirmary earlier…

Damn it. He was so stupid. Why was he even caring about such a thing? He couldn’t afford to care about Zero right now. _Ever._ It would likely backfire and slap him in the face. Again. Like what had happened just now. Because, despite the tenser atmosphere back when Zero first saw him in the house and then entered the dinning room, he had hoped that perhaps he and Zero could get past some of their conflicts, or at least put it aside for the time being. Long enough to finish what would be as close to a normal dinner as they once had and perhaps get some small talk done just to please the Chairman that perhaps they really _were_ taking steps to improve their strained relationship. But no, Yuuki – the thrice be damned girl – had to just destroy that small bit of hope he had.

When Zero had demanded harshly to know just what he’d planned to do to Yuuki, accusing him so clearly of evil intentions, he had felt a stab of pain shoot through his heart. Zero was always so quick to jump to conclusions about him, even if they were the right conclusions… It hurt so badly, although he knew he shouldn’t have been hurt at all. Much less to feel the pain so freshly.

Couldn’t Zero have given him the benefit of the doubt that he could’ve had a perfectly legitimate reason for being in the infirmary and that it had nothing to do with harming Yuuki?

Immediately, he knew that he wasn’t welcome in this household. Cross might want him there, even Yuuki might have (not that he would’ve given a damn about how _she_ felt about him)… but Zero didn’t. And if Zero didn’t, there was no reason for him to stay for dinner, or to even be in the same place. It was so irrational for him to care about this, but he just couldn’t help it. Stupid, stupid emotions!

But no matter how much he cursed himself for feeling, no matter how much he knew that he was being foolish… Even now, he was _still_ wondering what would’ve ran through Zero’s mind when he saw the bowls of vegetable soup that Cross had carried out just as he was leaving.

Would Zero remember? What would Zero think? Would he like it? Would he see it as nothing more than just a coolly calculated move on the complicated and treacherous game of chess that they were all pawns on? The most pressing question in his mind, though, was why…

Why was he even _fretting_ about all of that?

Now, he had come full circle, back to what he had initially thought about choosing a different life from the present. There was no way he could do that. Not if Zero wasn’t there actively trying to do it too. It was so laughable to himself that he was _still_ depending on his twin now when he was sure that he’d become so much more independent since the death of their parents. Even if what he had been hoping to accomplish was something that could only work if Zero wanted it, because it did take two to tango, it still felt so ironic to him. After all he’d gone through, Zero was still the one obstacle he couldn’t overcome alone.

He’d been giving a chance at choosing a different path. But Cross did not know that the roads ahead of him were all barred, except the one he had originally been on. There was nothing for him to do but continue ahead, down the path that would only serve to estrange him more and more from his twin. But hadn’t he already decided to do that from the very beginning? Now, he was having doubts. Unwanted doubts, doubts that he didn’t need and shouldn’t have… but they were there plaguing him all the same.

In the end, there was nothing for it and he would have to make do with the rest of his time in the Academy with these niggling reservations. All he could do now was to put on his mask of indifference and continue his role as the younger twin with ambiguous motives, as he waited for Zero to return to the Sun Dorms for the night, surely with Yuuki in tow. Then he could try to warn his elder twin about getting too close Cross Yuuki…

Even if Zero would slam the figurative door shut in his face.


End file.
